“It looks like I’m going to have to let go of what I expected and enter a mystery.”
I haven’t blogged since my post about leaving full-time ministry. The problem hasn’t been nothing to say – it’s been too much to process and turn into anything that makes sense. In choosing this path I knew there would be some grief and anxiety even though I am more certain now that this road is the one I am called to walk. Every road in life is filled with unexpected turns, detours, traffic jams – as well as surprising and beautiful views and unlooked-for blessings.
Many times over the last month friends have asked “So what are you going to do next?” The answer is “I don’t know.” I have some ideas. I have applied for a job that will not start until January. But other than that I really don’t know. My one serious job prospect is not at all certain – far from it. I don’t know where we will live (other than staying in Huber Heights so our son can finish high school). i don’t know how my life will look on November 1. Other than it will be different in significant ways from what it is today.
I am not a person who likes this kind of ambiguity. I like to know what is ahead and to have planned for every eventuality. I love GPS – it always knows what is coming, when to turn, what areas to avoid due to traffic or construction, what sites wait to be seen. The one on my smart phone is always up to date and is mostly accurate.
Life is more like paper maps and compasses. It takes as much effort to determine where you are on the map as to arrive at a destination. Things on the ground may be different from when the map was printed. A map can’t show construction that has gone over schedule or traffic that is impeding progress ten miles down the road.
In the certainty of God’s leading to travel this road I am also learning anew the enormous uncertainty of what lies ahead. I have things to do and decisions to make. But much waits on what is around the next bend. What I expected may not – and probably will not – be. God’s mystery awaits. Perhaps for you too.